Dear Jack:

It sounds like you’re in a deeply reflective place, and I want to acknowledge how much growth you’ve undergone. Therapy has given you insight into your past wounds and patterns, and that alone is an incredible step forward.

There’s a lot to untangle here. On one hand, you’re drawn to reconnecting with your ex, now that you feel more equipped to nurture a healthier relationship. On the other, you’re feeling pulled toward new experiences—toward exploring connections you never got the chance to before. Both feelings are valid, and neither is wrong.

The truth is, reconciliation requires more than just personal growth—it also requires mutual readiness. If you reach out to your ex, it’s important to ask whether she still wants that relationship too, and if she’s in a place to reconnect. But before even getting there, the question is: Do you truly want to rekindle things for the right reasons, or are you feeling a mix of guilt, nostalgia, and uncertainty?

It’s also okay to acknowledge the curiosity you have about new experiences. If the desire for exploration feels like it would be a lingering regret, then that’s worth sitting with seriously. If you jump back into your past relationship, would that feeling dissolve, or would it eventually create resentment?

Sometimes, clarity comes when we slow down and let go of the pressure to act immediately. Maybe you don’t have to make a decision today—maybe the right answer will become clearer as you continue growing and healing.

At the end of the day, your journey is yours to define, and whatever path you choose should be one that aligns with what feels authentic to you. Whether that’s reaching out to your ex or stepping into the unknown, you deserve a relationship—past or future—that reflects the person you are becoming.

How does this sit with you?

anita

Dear Jack:

I want to give your post my full attention tomorrow morning (it’s Monday afternoon here). Please feel free to add anything you think is relevant before I get back to you.

anita

Dear jack

Congratulations on choosing to go into therapy & that it has brought you some understanding of how your past impacted upon the relationship you had with your ex.
It may be worthwhile to reach out to her in a letter saying that you went into therapy & what you discovered & apologize for the manner in which you separated. This way she can digest the information at a distance & gives her the opportunity to show whether she has any inclination towards friendship or reconciliation or even that she does not want you in her life at all.

From your side take note when she comes to mind, are you tired hungry lonely? or a location, a film etc that triggers things & what emotion is present ie you see something & you mentally go Ooh I must tell her about it, or you see an intimate scene in a film & it triggers lust for intimacy.
Along side this also see what attracts you when you see other women in passing their smile, walk. how animated & open they are etc just don’t be creepy about it – it only takes a glance, you could practice by scanning crowds ie waiting at a bus or train station. I remember sitting at a station cafe when a number of trains disembarked and all the people heads down disconnected from the world around them, reminded me of ants scurrying about, but there was one woman who walked head up with a bounce in her step our eyes met we smiled & acknowledged each other.
Kind regards
Roberta